What Hedgehogs can Teach us about Human Connection and Combating Loneliness 

During a pandemic, it's natural for many of us to feel lonely at some point. Whether that

feeling is from living alone and suddenly having to work remotely, or spending 24/7 with your

family instead of your like-minded colleagues, it's all rooted in a feeling of disconnection. In fact,

the feeling of loneliness can exist regardless of the amount of social contact you engage in.

What most of us don’t realize is that loneliness isn’t just unpleasant; it can also have serious

health consequences. According to the CDC, loneliness significantly increases a person’s risk of

premature death, is associated with about a 50% increased risk of dementia, and a 29%

increased risk of heart disease.

Although seemingly unrelated, hedgehogs actually serve as a metaphor for human relationships

- a metaphor first articulated by philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer and later expanded into a

psychological concept by Sigmund Freud called the hedgehog/porcupine dilemma. The parable

by Schopenhauer serves as an incredible allegory for how humans navigate human connection

through the back-and-forth pendulum swinging motion between guardedness and intimacy. In

the parable, Schopenhauer describes the way hedgehogs huddle together for warmth on a cold

day. As you can imagine, there is a real truth to the saying “too close for comfort” in this

equation. Their quills begin to prick each other, so they disperse. Then they become cold again,

and the cycle repeats. Finally, the porcupines discover that, by having a little distance between

one another, they could find a balance - close enough to share in a collective warmth, but

enough distance to protect from the pricks of proximity.

Similarly, a new age of evolving digital media, social distancing, and rampant political

divisiveness is leaving many of us lost and lonely, trying to find the sweet spot of human

connection. Schopenhauer’s parable is a piercing illustration of the paradoxical nature of

vulnerability in relationships. Vulnerability makes relationships deeper and more fulfilling, while

simultaneously growing the risk of a deeper hurt. In an article written for FastCompany,

researcher Brené Brown discusses the findings around loneliness and explains that as a social

species, our strength is not derived from individualism but from our ability to co-exist and

co-create, which seemingly exemplifies the hedgehog dilemma. Our neural, hormonal, and genetic

makeup supports interdependence. Yet, a culture of screen-to-screen communication and striving for

personal success conditions us for the opposite.